Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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