yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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