Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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