We're like a lot better than the average bears
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
