Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize