with your own penis?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
