i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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