I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
