We need to rekindle our bromance
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
