u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up under a house in Key West
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
