Your mouth is God's brothel.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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