Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
