Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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