piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my being single is dangerous.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
