just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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