no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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