i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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