I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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