shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
tell me about the eggs
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