I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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