The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
