one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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