so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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