are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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