We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just google imaged poop.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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