allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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