just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A+ Viking dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
