i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Of course I have a pirate flag
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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