i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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