I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
