Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
