Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
