The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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