i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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