I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
