Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
