OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
