I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
