I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
