My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My penis needs a shock collar
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
