Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
