My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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