my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
