After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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