Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
