Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize