i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
