he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
