He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
