I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ladies don't puke and tell
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
