People in love make me want to vomit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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