Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
