I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
