There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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