It's just like the Real World with babies
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
