I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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