I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
