6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
