I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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