i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
