Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
