God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
