Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
