Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
