very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
