your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
