You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
