I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize