fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
