I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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