Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
