don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
